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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23712970">Forever and Never</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hospittalbracelett/pseuds/hospittalbracelett'>hospittalbracelett</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>I Am Not Okay with This (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:15:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,163</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23712970</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hospittalbracelett/pseuds/hospittalbracelett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hold my hand, I ain't ready to land"<br/>-<br/>-<br/>In other words, Stanley gets beat by his dad and goes to Sydney for comfort.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Stanley Barber &amp; Sydney Novak</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Forever and Never</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW: CHILD ABUSE!! There aren't any *overly graphic* depictions but there are descriptions of Stan's abuse. Read at your own discretion :)</p><p>Also I don't ship Stan and Syd! I really liked Syd and Dina's relationship but I still absolutely love the chemistry between Stan and Syd. Affection isn't strictly platonic!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Stanley slipped into the living room, scanning his surroundings. He kicked his shoes off next to the front door and let out a slow exhale. Maybe his dad was already asleep, maybe he went out to get more beer, maybe he lost track of time. Of course, his sliver of hope was diminished when a bitter man holding a 6 pack of Coors appeared in the doorway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He thought that after a certain amount of beatings, he'd eventually get used to it and it wouldn't hurt him anymore. Either Stan was completely wrong or he's far from the number of kicks to the chest he needs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stan: he hit me again, can i crash at your place? i know its 2 in the morning sorry</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Syd: are you sure it's a good idea? hes gonna get mad when he finds out you snuck out</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stan: at this point i dont care i just need to get out of the house for now, i get hit no matter what so i just need a break </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Syd: ok </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stanley took in a shallow breath and forced himself to get off of the kitchen floor. It hurt to move but it hurt even more to stay in his awful house. The boy stumbled out of the backdoor, not even bothering to focus on staying silent. His dad got what he wanted for now so he wasn't any immediate danger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Walking to Sydney's house was less than three minutes, but it felt like an eternity. All Stanley could feel was burning- the fire in his father's eyes, the ice in his words, the heated rage behind each punch thrown. Everything hurt inside and out. He was still in a daze, not completely over the previous events of the night. Everything his dad said to him kept replaying no matter how hard he tried to shake the words off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>You're such a faggot that you can't even keep the car straight! I let you borrow it one time this week and you crash it!"</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Dad, I-I didn't mean to… it was an accident."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Accidents don't look like that."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He finally reached Syd's doorstep and gently knocked. The door creaked open and a red-headed girl in front of him furrowed her brows. She reached over and brushed her thumb underneath Stanley's right eye. The boy flinched, and immediately felt bad because it looked like he was scared of her. After the party incident, the last thing he wanted Syd to think was that she was scary or dangerous. She had a guilty look on her face for a moment, but it looked like she brushed it off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sorry, I- uh, just sit on the couch for a second… I'll get an ice pack," Sydney said as she opened the door wider and pointed to the right of her. Stanley turned to what looked like the living room as his friend disappeared into the kitchen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked around the room while he waited. It dawned on Stanley that this was the first time he'd actually been in Sydney's house. It wasn't the first time he turned to Syd after a beating, but they'd always just sit on the curb outside of her house or escape to the woods for a bit. Her living room wasn't the most comforting thing in the world; Stan knew that her family had their fair share of dysfunction too. If anything, her family history was crazier than his. There was just something comforting about being anywhere but home, really. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What happened this time?" Syd questioned, handing a ziploc bag of ice cubes over and sitting on the couch next to Stan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stanley pressed the ice to his face and winced. "Uh, so you know how I wrecked the car the other night? Well, Mr. Barber was not very happy about it." He let out a nervous laugh, but it wasn't because the situation was funny. "He punched me in the face first and I thought that would've been it but then he punched me in the gut and then I fell and he kicked me… a couple times? I mean, like, at least I can hide my arms and stomach and stuff. A black eye can't be covered with a cardigan though so I don't know what I'm gonna do about that?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stan paused to lift his shirt about halfway up; his skin from the waist to right below his ribs were covered in red-purple splotches. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I tried defending myself first, like verbally. He kept calling me gay and disgusting and I kept saying I wasn't and the car was an accident and stuff. He obviously didn't listen though so I gave up trying and just took it… I didn't even cry. I mean, I guess that's a good thing though."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sydney stared at his body in horror. Oddly enough, it wasn't the actual marks that made her heart break. The fact that he was barely even phased by this made her wish that they could swap lives in a split second. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"There's nothing wrong with crying, Stan. I mean, there's nothing wrong with not crying because everyone feels things different, but it's not bad to cry. You're not weak or gay or anything, you're just processing things and that's okay. I cry like, all the time and look at me… Actually, bad example because I'm gay </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>bad things happen when I cry, but my point still stands." Stanley cracked a slight smile at the last thing she mentioned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two locked eyes and Stanley made his second regret of the night in that moment. After realizing that kissing Sydney was a mistake, he made another mistake by collapsing onto her shoulder and sobbing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh my God I'm- I didn't mean to- I'm sorry I know that… that you don't like me I didn't mean to-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Stan, it's… it's okay." Sydney was just as shocked by Stan as he was of himself, but she had to stay cool for his sake. She definitely wasn't all for being kissed, but she knew that it didn't actually mean anything. He was just vulnerable so it didn't bother her too much. She hesitantly put one arm around him and ran her fingers through his hair with the other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm scared Sydney… I don't- I don't wanna go back," Stanley whispered after his breath steadied. He was still holding onto Sydney with his life but it was more security than desperation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's okay, you don't have to right now, it's okay." Sydney rested her head on Stanley's; it wasn't awkward or hesitant like before. It wasn't intimate either, but it was comfortable. It was familiar. She wasn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>in love</span>
  </em>
  <span> with Stanley, but she definitely loved him and loved being there for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stanley loosened his grip on Sydney's back but didn't quite let go. He smiled as he slipped out of consciousness, knowing that he was safe for the first time in a while. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stanley Barber was safe.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's been a while! I struggled a lot writing this, I haven't been in the best place so I lost so much motivation to write. This is my first work that I've done in eight months so please be easy on me haha. Also this is my first ianowt fic! Would you be interested in more fics from this show? They'd probably be less angsty and not just me projecting onto Stanley oops. Feedback is super helpful for me!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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